Steve saw Dan and knew trouble had arrived. “Yeah, Dan Shea just walked in with shorts on.” We looked at the question line, which sadly for Steve, was made up of one person. You guessed it. Dan! You’ve heard of Ah Ha moments? This was an Uh Oh moment!
Warning, the topic that Dan is about to bring up, fictional or not – but boy I hope it’s fictional – is not appropriate for younger audiences.
You have been warned!
“Sir, when you were doing your early porn work, were you able to separate the emotion from the physical? I.E. was it just like another acting gig to you?”
Steve sat staring at Dan speechlessly for a minute before saying, “I thought we agreed, remember that pact we made in the barn? Me, you, the sheep? Remember? . . . . We were never ever to speak of that.”
Yep. Steve decided to play into it, and made it ten times worse. There’s much much more, but it’s so dirty I can’t bring myself to type it! I could barely stand writing it out that day! In fact I know that I said to the fans around me, “Someone duck tape him!”
After this humor continued for a while, someone shouted “PG!” which reminded Steve that there was a kid in the audience. Never mind that he didn’t hear a thing because he was watching Toy Story with headphones on! “That’s good. Tom Hanks was in that. . . . . I need my meds.”
Steve wanted someone to ask a question – actually he was begging to be asked questions. He made a critical mistake though. He told the fan that volunteered to go whisper her question to Dan! She did (while Steve made suggestive comments . . . ), but I’m pretty sure that the question that Dan asked was not what she asked!
Here we go again!
“She wanted to know if, when you were performing your earlier porn work, if you were able to separate the emotional from the physical.” After getting a glare from Steve while the audience laughed, Dan finally revised the question. “No she wanted to know if you have a tattoo anywhere because apparently they want the Shankster (Dan’s nickname for Michael Shanks) to get a tattoo, and they just wanted to know if you already had one or two scattered amongst those big giant muscles. Look at the pipes on Steve! Look at those! Unbelievable!”
After getting the five minute warning, to which Steve responded, censoring himself, “ffff you too!”, a fan asked, “How was your time on Supernatural as Doctor Sexy?” Steve said, “Not sexy enough apparently. It was fun. Those guys are a couple of lunatics. They live in the same house, they’ve got trailers, and they have little bitty motorcycles that they ride around. They’re so much fun. That’s the kind of show that I would love to be on because they’ve got a good sense of humor, they don’t take themselves seriously, and they’ve got a workout room over to the side, they’ve got little toys to play catch, it’s like school. Hanging in the neighborhood with friends. It was a lot of fun.”
All the sudden, Steve goes off on a tangent about this young lady from Phoenix that he met on the plane to Chicago. She was coming to see her fiance, and while on the plane she had a quesadilla type thing with lots of onion and garlic and guacamole, and she said she liked onions a lot even though her fiance doesn’t. She warned Steve about the smell, though he could already smell it. He asked her if her fiance was going to mind, and she said, “no, it’s just one of the things he’s got to deal with.” Steve gave us all an incredulous look and said, “Seriously? How’s that going to work out? Dan? Freshness is good! Right?”
So what did Steve do? He told that poor girl to get rid of her onions and learn to go fifty fifty with her fiance because years of stinky breath isn’t going to go over well.
Dan: “But maybe she’s a nice person!”
Steve: “With stinky breath!”
Steve spent his last minute on stage demonstrating his ability to censor himself, saying, “Most of the time you wouldn’t even hear me speak because I cuss so much. I’m like, (mouthing curses without saying them out loud) weather (mouthing) short (mouthing).” Then Steve said parents shouldn’t bring children to these things, for obvious reasons, but Adam Malin, our fantastic MC this year, said, “Children are welcome.” Steve said, “Come on! Who comes to these things? People like me!” That earned him a good laugh from the audience!
Some fan shouted, “Are you single?” Dumb question after he talked about his daughter! Steve said he’d not been single for a while, but his story about the woman he met on the plane was a good example of how he feels about relationships. Then came an exchange that was just too funny not to relate.
“Cool! (Pointing) That’s Dan Shea! If you like hanging out in a barn after dark . . . That’s Dan Shea! . . . That’ll teach him for bringing up that porn. That was our secret.”
Some fan said, “No anymore!”
“Yeah, apparently! It’s lost footage. No one’s ever going to find it, except my mother.”
Another fan said, “It’s on YouTube!”
Que Steve taking the mic and smacking himself on the forehead with it! Repeatedly! “I’ll tell you what. I have less to be ashamed of than Kevin Sorbo! That’s all I’m going to say.”
Steve then gave away his cup, which he said had alcohol in it – is anyone surprised? – and then was given a big round of applause as he left.
Dan gets on stage with a mic, since it’s his turn next, and says, “I’m just wondering how many nuckle push-ups Steve can do with those big guns.” Dan then did what he does everytime I’ve seen him at a convention. He took of his shirt for a demonstration of his own pipes. You have to admit, this was pretty dang impressive! He put his feet on the side of the stage chair and braced himself up on his arms! Then he shouted, “Don’t you leave me like this! Get back out here Bacic! Get that shirt off!” Of course Steve couldn’t help but come back over. He takes the sharpie pen he was using to sign the stage banners and writes on Dan’s back! “All you can eat!” Dan tries to challenge Steve to match him, but Steve won’t fall for it.
One more round of applause and Steve takes his leave. Thanks for dropping by Steve! It was fun seeing you again!
Ok, Dan, we’re impressed. You can put your shirt back on now! More from Dan Shea is coming up soon!
Don’t forget to check out our Photobucket for lots more pics from that day!