Okay, stop me if you’ve heard this one: So a pair of dwarves walk into a bar–
What’s that, internet? You say you have heard that one already?
What if I change it up? Two dwarves walk into the biggest sci-fi/fantasy convention in the southeast? Eh? Eh?! And then they let the audience “axe” them anything!
…and after they answered them, they all got fellow“shipped” together!
I give up.
The point is that William Kircher (Bifur / Troll #1) and Graham McTavish (Dwalin) attended, spoke, and were surprisingly tall this Dragon Con, and we’ve got video to prove it! Check out select portions of Sunday’s “Two Mighty Dwarves” panel to see what they had to say!
Oh. Oh, NOW you want to hear the joke, huh?
So a pair of dwarves walk into a bar and seat themselves at a table. After the barmaid fetches their meals, the one dwarf walks over to the barkeep and asks for two flagons of ale.
The barkeep takes a long look at the dwarf before replying. “Happily good sir, but first I must ask…did you bring any coin for your drink?”
The dwarf’s seated companion holds up his purse and shakes it with a demonstrative jangle. “A’ course we did. We’re honest patrons and intend tae pay!”
“Of course, of course!” The barkeep recants. “I didn’t think you’d stoop so low as to short change me. No offense meant!” Despite his apologetic tone, he couldn’t have looked more pleased with himself as he expounded. “It’s just that dwarves are often said to be a bit short-sighted now and again. Don’t take it personally. I didn’t mean to look down on you.”
The dwarves exchange a glance and a shake of their heads before the first continues with a sigh. “Even if y’did, we wouldn’ pay much mind-“
“Well thank you kindly for your understanding. Most of your kin would’ve cut me short by now. Short tempers, you know? You both are obviously the exception, but I’ve heard dwarves often suffer from low self-esteem…”
The pair groan as the bartender continues, busying himself with filling the first of two flagons and moving onto the next.
“Even so, it’s lucky you found each other! I hear that Durin’s Folk are in short supply these days…”
“If yuir done, we’ll have those drinks…” The first dwarf says gruffly, reaching for the filled vessels.
“An’ they best be strong” adds the second from the table.
“Of course, but please take it easy. I’ve heard tell of dwarves and their drinking habits-“
“This’d better not be leading to another of yuir “jokes”…” The first dwarf growls, turning back to the bar with a heated look.
“Oh no!” The bartender cries hands lifted in surrender. “Just a cautionary tale in case either of you were thinking of getting carried away…” He leans forward over the liquor soaked oak, suddenly looking quite serious. “You see I’d never poke fun of an alcoholic dwarf! I’d never even let them sit across from me at this establishment!!”
As the first dwarf settles back in at the table and takes a heavy sip, the second dwarf lifts an eyebrow scrupulously. Unable to help himself, he finally asks. “And why would that be?”
“Well,” the bartender replies, “I wouldn’t want to lower the bar.”